Growing

Not only is my shoe collection growing... So am I as a person.

I am currently transitioning into being a "real" grown-up. I know you are probably asking "Well aren't you 22, so therefore you are an adult?" And the only thing I can respond to you is....Pshhh I am no where even close to where I need to be.

This year has been compacted with ups, downs, tough questions, and trying to understand this little thing called life out. Let me just tell you the world is a super confusing place, not only for a 8 year old girl, but a 22 year old woman. I remember as an young 8 year old girl, I was terrified to move onto fourth grade...And now here I am standing in my last year of college, and I am still terrified to move on... this time it's the real world I face. Even though it's scary, there's no hiding from it. Unfortunately, I can't crawl into my parents' bed and cry from fear like I did as a kid... (I mean, I could, but my parents would find it odd and tell me to get out).

For some reason I never thought this time of my life would  ever come. As a little girl, I thought going to college, graduating, and starting a career wouldn't happen until I was fifty-something ( I clearly had no sense of age at the time). Here I am choosing schools to student teach at, finding school districts where I want to work for that are near where I want to live, and preparing materials for my future students... MY future students. It was so much easier when I had a playhouse that worked as my school and house, and my dogs that were my students. (It wasn't scary then).

I'm trying to line all my ducks in a row... but my ducks keep adventuring out of my sight. 

Making big decisions is terrifying...you never know if you made the right one until years later...and even then you still wonder "what if?"

I am taking big leaps of faith in this period of my life. I'm talking about jumping off the Grand Canyon and praying and hoping the ground turns into a trampoline, or someone magically catches you. I am at the point of my life where I know I need to jump. I know God has prepared me for these big life changes, but at the same time you can't tell me that it's not scary to jump off a cliff and not know what is going to be at the bottom of it. I know this probably sounds a bit dramatic, but I guess completely letting go and praying it all works out still worries me.  I feel like I have worked my booty off for this one moment of my life, and I don't want to screw it up.

I am comfortable where I am...but am I supposed to stay here?

As I graduate college, and start student teaching I have had to make a few sacrifices and move out of my comfort zone. I am going to have to give up my job as an event planner because student teaching is full-time gig {This is terrifying for me and very stressful}. I have worked ever since I was old enough; not knowing how I am going to earn my own money FREAKS me out. I am moving back home and trying to figure out how and when I will be able to move out of parents house to be independent. However, I want to make sure I can do it right the first time...I don't want to run back to my parents {My parents are great, and would still support me, but I am stubborn}. I do not want to fail, but failing is a way of learning. 

I've noticed at the age of twenty-two there are a lot of questions to answer all at once, that can affect you long term. {I'm sure my future will hold more questions}. However, I also know that it's okay if you don't have the right answers to all the questions. So STOP stressing of what could go wrong.

"I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance to the full, till it overflows. "- John 10:10

I think we put so much focus on growing up and getting everything right, that we don't remember to enjoy the process of life. Why rush growing up, when eventually we have no turning back to our youth, once we grow frail and weak? I know I am guilty of rushing into being grown-up, and taking on responsibilities at such a young age. I was so caught up in a life of being perfect, being successful, and making money that it left very little time to strengthen friendships, go on adventures, and ENJOY life. 

I honestly think it's quite funny when you watch children,  you can see the pure happiness they possess, and the fact they enjoy ever ounce of life. You give them a simple thing such as a box, and they make it into a house, a car, or just simply sit in for days giggling. You give an adult a box, and we automatically think we need to find a purpose for it, or think "you darn box, you are cluttering my space.".... Why do we stress the little things?  {Sounds silly, but I'm sure you experienced something like it}

Working with kids, I  am constantly seeing the push to make these little people become adults at a young age... Yes, teach them responsibility and character, but what about concept of enjoying life? What is the rush?

Now I'm not saying give up all responsibility and to sit in a box for a day...obviously we have to have some foundation to our lives, and lets face it we probably won't fit in a box.  I am just encouraging you to balance your life in the sense to have fun while you are on your quest to growing up. 

I think there is a sense of growing up, once you realize how precious life is... We are only given one life, so we might as well enjoy it, instead of stressing out on getting everything right. The right way to aging is  to appreciate the little things in this big old world. 

I may not be where I'm supposed to be, or have all the right answers as of now...but I'm taking the time to enjoy the process of how far I have come and the possibilities of where my life can take me. 

So as you continue, simply slow down and LOVE your life.

Laugh until you pee your pants, go on random adventures, and surround yourself with people who you want to be a part of your growing up quest.  Do what makes you HAPPY! :) 

xoxo Natalie