Get Up. Teach.
Stand Up. Teach.
Sit Down. Teach.
Pass Out. Teach.
Those who know me, already know I am super awkward human being on any given day...The best way I can describe myself this last week in the classroom, was like a baby horse trying to stand up for the first time...it's awkward, they just can't do it, and when they do, they fall over. ( This was the first thing to come to my mind...don't ask)...on the plus side we all know once horse gets up and start standing, they do not like to fall down again. Ha.
This week I started to take over the classroom for half a day. I felt pretty pumped in the beginning, knowing that I could add my own pizazz to things if I chose to.
Monday struck... also known as the reenactment of Noah's Ark coming to Arizona. Rainy days in school in Arizona are rare, and difficult. Arizonians are known as the people who magically forget how to drive when it rains, and stare as the rain falls. I walked into the classroom drenched, and I looked up at the ceiling, and sure enough we had a leak. Districts were canceling school left and right, teachers were late getting to school, or couldn't make it all together...overall it was already chaotic. The principal originally asked my cooperating teacher to go instruct another class for a teacher who couldn't drive in the rain, while I taught my first graders...for the first time...EVER! I was fortunate enough to have my cooperating teacher with me while I experienced teaching my first graders for the first time. My students were ancy because they lost their special and recess... which only meant I had to be pretty entertaining to get their attention.
As the week continued, I learned a lot about myself.
I discovered, I am a baby. I cried after the first couple of days of teaching. I felt like the crappiest teacher in the world. I would say things during my lesson, and after I said them, I would be like why the heck did I just say that, or that doesn't even make sense? I was so embarrassed to be teaching in front of my mentor. I felt like I was failing my students, but most importantly failing my cooperating teacher. I finally got the courage to ask my mentor how she thought I was doing, and how I could improve. I realized it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. I never thought I was going to be perfect at teaching, but I sure didn't think I would fail so hard, or be this hard on myself for making mistakes. I always heard horror stories of people crying during student teaching, but I never thought it would be me. I am not an emotional person. However, when you find something your passionate about, and experience failure...it really tugs at your heart.
I have become a master of just going with it. My lessons got interrupted by hearing tests, early release, rescheduled specials, technical difficulties, and etc... That's when that famous phrase, "Keep calm and pretend it is on the lesson plan". By Friday, I became so immune to just going with it. A lot of times I made lessons up on the spot.
I have learned it is okay not to be perfect. I know we always tell our students that, but for some reason, being such a perfectionist, I have the hardest time dealing with my imperfect qualities.
What I Encourage
After admitting to needing help to my mentor, we have made it a daily routine to discuss our high and low of the day. This has really helped me. I am THE hardest critic on myself, and sometimes I focus so much on the bad, because I want things to be perfect. This makes me focus on something I thought went well during the day. To be honest, sometimes it is hard to pick just one low, but I always pick one that I know I can improve with some advice. My mentor gives me her feedback on how she thought I did, and it seems to help a ton.
As I am still a baby horse trying to stand and become a mustang running off to the distant...I am soaking in these growing pains to help become the best teacher I can be. I know all good things take time.
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