God has been really working on me these last four
weeks of student teaching. (In more ways than I can even describe).
I am always trying to be one step ahead of the
game, but God has shown me that sometimes I just have to go with the current he
directs me in. I have no idea what is in store for me come January. Who knows
if I will get a permanent job...and if so, who knows what that job will entail (what
grade, sub position, specialty, and etc.).
As I am trying to find peace within the wait, I
have been listening to my heart...something I am not very good at. I have
discovered that my heart is totally in general education. I have realized being
dual certified helps me become a resource to parents and students, who may need
to the support...and I LOVE that. I have also realized I have no idea where I
want to begin the job search. It's a bit of a scary thing for a girl who loves
to have everything planned out.
I have also been shown that good things take
time. As I was sharing in my previous update blogs, I have had a rough few
weeks. I would come home questioning if I was making a difference, or if I was
even a good teacher. This whole process has been harder than I thought it was
going to be. I have discovered a TON of things I need to fix as a teacher, and
as a person. It wasn't until last week I was reassured I am making a difference
and that I am getting the hang of teaching.
I had a mom come into the classroom and tell me
that her daughter has changed her attitude towards her homework. All the sudden
she would come home and be eager to do her math homework. Come to find out it
was when I started to take over math. Even though it is a small difference, it
is something. I am excited I can make students excited about learning.
I have also noticed a change in one of my
students. I have one student in my classroom that I was told his family history
during my first week of student teaching. It was a devastating story to hear
that my first grader had to go through. I observed his behavior the first week
and noticed he was angry child who most the time was spacey.
Most the time teachers are quick to judge a
child who is a behavior issue. I think if I didn't know his history, I would of
fell in the same trap. Even though this student got a lot of stamps taking off
his character card for his behavior, I always made sure to tell him I believe
in him after he left school each day. I then got to work with him one-on-one
with a writing assignment. Boy oh boy was he angry that I pulled him from
something to work on writing. He kept wanting to give up, and thought the whole
thing was stupid. As he thought it was a chore to be in the back with me,
I began to give some light to him by joking around to make the kid smile. Right
then and there I realized I had not seen him genuinely laugh. Do you know how
sad it is when a child can't laugh, or doesn't?! I found myself smiling so big
just to see him LAUGH!!! It is such a priceless feeling to be a part of a child's
joy. He began to loosen up and enjoy working on his assignment. Now instead of
always being a grumpy, he is getting in trouble for being the class clown. Yes,
it is still another behavior issue...but I rather have a child who is happy,
than a child who is mad. We are still working on it, but boy oh boy did it feel
good to see this kid LAUGH!
God has really challenged me so far, but I am so
appreciative about it all. I have been broken down to be built stronger. The
little victories making me so pumped that I can possibly be just a little bit
of a positive influence. I am excited to see how God guides me and strengthens
me through this time of transitioning.
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